The Godly Woman

Becoming Esther

"Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king..."

Esther 2:12-13

I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation that the future queen Esther had to go through before she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would any of us want to go through twelve months of beauty treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably not, but then again, imagine the possibilities. One year set aside for one sole purpose - becoming all you can be for the one you love the most. Precious time to cultivate beauty, to make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen virtue, and build character.

The preparation of Esther reminds me of that precious time between the awakening of desire in a young woman's heart to share her life with a mate and the moment she walks down the aisle. For many, this time of preparation is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting. Single women often see themselves as sitting on the shelf while life passes them by, or as sitting on the bench while others play the game. They do not realize that they are wasting the most important time of their lives, they are robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman, and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He desires to do great things.

As Esther had to be prepared before she could be queen of an entire realm, so the woman must be prepared before she can embark on one of the most important and difficult callings in life - marriage and motherhood. Esther had to learn the ways of the kingdom to which she belonged, she had to learn the manners of court life, the intellectual, emotional and spiritual challenges of high position. To put it simply, Esther had to be transformed from a young lady into a queen before she could wear the title and fulfill the role. In the same way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the Kingdom of Heaven before she ever unites with the one that God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, not by court attendants in some pagan temple, but by God Himself, His Word, and by other godly women who have been prepared before her.

Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines, but a time that God has set aside especially for the woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face.

Remember in your singleness that you are not the only one single, but your future husband is passing through the same stage as you. Would it not be a terrible thing to finally meet the man who is to become your husband only to find out that he has used his singleness to serve God and to prepare himself to be a better husband for you. And yet you did not use the freedom of your singleness to serve the Lord, nor did you take advantage of the training that God offered you? Would it not also be a terrible thing to realize that your husband spent his days as a single man praying daily for your needs and the work of God in your life, while you neither prayed for him, nor responded to the grace of God that was given you as a result of his prayers.

It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband. That special someone who is "just perfect" for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty.

By no means is it a tragedy to be a single Christian woman, but the way of the world has once again infiltrated Christianity with the false idea that it is. One of the greatest lies is that if you do not "have someone" or are not "actively looking", there is something wrong with you. Another lie is that the single woman should be dating around as though looking for a husband were the same as shopping in a mall. Still another even stronger lie is that the single woman should be giving her affections away indiscriminately so that she may be more "experienced" and know what to do when she finally finds the man of her choice. My dear Christian, it is a lie and an affront to God to say that experience is the best teacher, when in fact it is God who is the best teacher, and though the world's motto is "live and learn," the Bible's advice is "learn and live." You do not need to be experienced, you only need to be knowledgeable of what God has said and obedient to it. You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but should be waiting on the man of God's choice. And when he comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your marriage work, but past chastity, purity, and godliness. We should hide our faces from the ways and experiences of this wicked world and look upon only those things that God has placed in the path He has prepared for us.

God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your husband, He wants to bring him to you, and probably at a time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so many other women before you, and take it upon yourself to look for a mate, you may find someone, but chances are that someone you find will not be the right one.

As women, our nature desires the company and companionship of a man. This is from God and therefore good. But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be the result if this need is not fulfilled. Needing another as a companion is not like needing to take your next breath of air. That is, you can survive without companionship, at least until God has done His perfect work in you. Remember the Scripture, "God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." (I Corinthians 10:13)

I have found that there are two primary reasons why someone "desperately" needs someone else. First of all, it is because they do not know God as they should. Is God not the God of all comfort? Is not Christ the exalted Lord who fills all things everywhere? Then why do we complain about how empty and alone we feel? Could it be that God extends our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him and learn to be complete in Him? If we seek to be married because we feel that a husband will fill our lives or will in some way make us complete, we will be sorely disappointed in our marriage. No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven will be able to change our emptiness. The second reason for desperately needing someone in our lives is plain selfishness. When we need someone in order to feel loved, or when we need someone so that our feelings of loneliness might dissipate, then we are wanting marriage for all the wrong reasons. Marriage should not be looked upon as an opportunity to have our needs met, but as an opportunity to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm our husbands with our own needs and be unaware of his. I have known Christian women who spent their days consumed with their own needs and constantly lamenting about why God had not brought someone into their life. But why should God entrust a godly man to a woman that is absorbed in herself and her own needs, and does not use the freedom of her singleness to serve God and prepare herself for His purposes? Such a woman would have little to offer a godly husband! My dear friend, being single, like being married should be considered a very special and enjoyable time in the providence of God. It should not be considered a mere circumstance or a curse from which one should try desperately to flee. Being single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christlikeness. It is a time to be zealous for good works and involved in ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return. There is nothing quite so sad as a woman now married who regrets what she could have been and done with her life while single. All was lost for the sake of hurrying to be married without consideration for the plan or work of God.

Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its own. My prayer for all single Christian women is that they might enjoy their time in spite of the lies of the world. That they might be demanding and not settle for anything less than the perfect will of God. That they might wait patiently on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift. That they might be like Esther, using whatever time God deems necessary to make them beautiful on the inside and out.

By Charo & Paul Washer An article first published inHeartCry magazine Volume 3, January 1998

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS.

By Jamie Tworkowski

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

Inspirational People

What sets people apart from being normal to being inspirational? What is it about those inspirational people that makes you want to be just like them or spend as much time with them as possible? Think about the people in your life that inspire you to keep going, to pick up their torch and to keep it alight. I can think of a few people in history that are very inspirational to me; Jesus Christ, William Booth, Mother Teresa, Rachel Joy Scott, to name just a few. What makes these people different?

What about the little people in our lives? Maybe your parents, your brothers and sisters, aunties, uncles and grandparents. Maybe a teacher, or friend. What is it that makes them inspirational? What sets them apart? I have a few ideas of my own.

The first reason would be the Holy Spirit. There are very few inspirational people out there without the Holy Spirit. If you have that light inside of you, you can't help but shine. People are drawn to you even if they don't know why.

The second would be the way they live life. They seem to make life look easy, even though you can see the pain they are going through on the inside. They come out the other side learning from their experience and teaching others.

The third would be how much they care, love and give. They care for everyone, no matter what you have done and no matter how horrible you are, they just keep caring. They love you just like Jesus would and they give their everything; money, time, energy and their own life.

The forth and final reason would be that they don't care what others think of them. They do what God is calling them to do. Inspirational people always have a huge amount of followers and they could say jump and people would. Having said this, there are a huge amount of inspirational people out there that just live normal lives and by doing the things they do, they change someone's life; feeding a homeless person, befriending someone at work or school who has no other friends. I believe everyone is an inspiration to someone, you just don't always know it.

I just want to say thank you to the inspirational people in my life at the moment – you all know who you are. There is one very important person right now in my journey of life that has no idea how much they have inspired me to just keep going and I thank you.

The Dash Poem

I am dedicating this to Sam Climpson-Stewart who died
2/6/90 - 11/3/07.

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real.
And always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile.
Remember that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash.
Would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?